Included because it has been mistaken for a traditional song. In fact, I wrote it for a revue in the 1980s: the same one as 'Call Yourself A Craftsman?'. Both of my songs (and Sting's much later 'Sky Hooks and Tartan Paint', come to think of it) look at ways in which veteran craftsmen keep the youngsters in their place, though 'Long Stand' just uses 'hazing' as a jumping-off point for making a political point.
This is a re-recorded version.
Back in the days when Britain had industries, it was customary for the older blokes to send apprentices to fetch curious items such as a can of striped paint or some rubber nails. The lucky lad who was sent for a long stand was liable to be left standing at the counter for a half an hour or longer while the storeman went off for a cup of tea and a chuckle. The guitar was tuned DADGAD, to give it a folksy Martin Carthy/Nic Jones feel. But it still sounds more like David Harley to me. Oh well...
I once had exchange of snailmail – it was before my internet days) – with the former Labour MP Joe Ashton, who mentioned the sport of apprentice-hazing in his column for one of the tabloids, describing some similar japes and a particularly vigorous retaliation involving tacks and doggy-do. I bet you don’t get that kind of hazing in merchant banks and call centres. Though, considering some of the people who work in those environments, I suspect that some of the bullying is even worse.
lyrics
The day I started work, the foreman said to me,
“I’ve another job for you when you’ve finished brewing tea:
Go down to the stores and when you find old Stan,
Tell him Harry sent you for a long stand.”
I got a long stand all right: I stood an hour or more,
Till Stan got tired of the joke and sent me back to the shop floor.
Well I didn’t think it funny, but I laughed and held my peace,
Even when they sent me back for a tin of elbow grease.
Still I did my bit, till I was pensioned off in ’69
From apprentice to foreman, all down the production line.
Many’s the lad I’ve sent myself when things were getting dull
For a can of striped paint or a pound of rubber nails.
But the joke they’re playing now, I just don’t think it’s fair:
Even when you get your ticket, the work just isn’t there.
The safest job in England is handing out the dole:
For every man that gets a job they turn away a hundred more.
For now the work is scarce, again, the queues are building up.
The streets are full of lads and lasses looking out for jobs;
But when you’ve just left school, you hardly stand a chance
They’re sending every lad in England for a long stand.
They say that if you’ve got the gumption you can do just as you please.
They say you’ll do all right with a bit of elbow grease;
But with a hundred out for every job, it’s few that stand a chance
They’re sending every lad in England for a long stand
They’re sending every lass in England for a long, long stand
credits
from In a Folkier Vein,
released August 13, 2023
Words and music, acoustic guitar and vocal by David Harley. Recorded at Centre Sound in Camden Town in the early 1980s.
David Harley is a former professional musician, administrator, IT security editor, author and researcher, and former much else that is even less impressive. He now lives in Cornwall. More info at whealalice.com
